Prepare yourself. You are about to see the lowest pits of suffering. If you have not already read Crescent of Darkness, I suggest you turn back now. Although filled with cringe, this page also contains:
SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
As you may have seen, I wrote Crescent of Darkness over a long period of time. There have been many different drafts throughout history, most of which I look back on and cringe. Many people also look at their current manuscripts or projects and cringe similarly, feeling as though their work could never leave the editing or even planning phase. I have been there before, and am somewhat there now. A select few are the exact opposite, believing that their very first draft is perfectly fine and ready for distribution. I have also been there, which is part of the reason why there are three other, inferior versions of CrofDa floating around out there somewhere. Let the following be inspiration for you, regardless of which boat you're in, and hopefully you'll have a few laughs and cringes along the way.
INCOMING SPOILERS: FINAL WARNING
Song at Pyramid Gate
There are few areas where the very, very first and final, official draft line up, but this is one of the first, and this is by far one of the biggest cringe-moments in the original text (trust me, there are many).
Verbatim Manuscript
© 2014 Virgil Thornton II |
Official Release
© 2018 Virgil Thornton II |
We get back into positions and start to sing again.
This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Rick* and his pals, said Earth was stolen Now we’re lookin’ for a ring, no it’s not golden Zamencie* stops and tells Juane* and Nima something as the beat still goes. Then they count off and start singing again, this time Juane and Nima singing in harmony with Zamencie when she says the repeating stanza. This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Task 1: Fight a big fish Trust me, not a good dish This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Task 2: Watch some hyperball* While listenin’ out, for my empress call This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Task 3: Get on a jet That was, the easiest yet This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Task 4: Jump out that jet Was it terrible, you bet This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Task 5: Sing this song So far, nothin’s gone wrong This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song That is all for our journey so far Blazin’ through this thing, like a hover car This is the hero song, yeah Said this is the hero songity song Join |
We all look at each other, waiting for someone to start, and then suddenly, Bacoj puts his head down and starts rattling the tambourine. One two three four… that’s a nice beat! He’s shaking the tambourine on the first three beats and hitting it on the fourth.
Yoseph, unannounced, comes in with some freestyle beatboxing, which he is surprisingly good at. His beatboxing along with Bacoj’s tambourine sounds admittedly pretty sick, so we all fight back laughter as the two continue. I look at Matt who looks back at me expectantly, and then I start my humming. I hum as low as I can, doing so in short bursts that sound like they would belong with the beat that Yoseph and Bacoj have made. It does, and then we all look at Matt. Instead of whistling, he looks at Nima, raises his eyebrows, and starts rhythmically scraping his foot against the ground. Yoseph was right, this does sound really nice! The four of us then look at Chirus, trying our best not to let grins overtake us. His face is a weird mix between confused and horrified, and then with a large sigh, he begins to sing. “Gate, we ask that you open. Gate, today we plead and try. Gate, gate oh please just open. I don’t want to see my new friends die.” Chirus is more so melodically talking as opposed to actually singing, but there’s a bit of passionate flare in his voice that makes it sound impressively good, so we keep going. “Gate, come on man I’m begging. Gate, just do it super please. Gate, we’re being deadly serious. Look, I’ll get down on my knees.” He does, but the gate still doesn’t open. I’m starting to run out of breath, but the others don’t stop, so neither do I. “Gate, you’re starting to scare me. For all that’s good just open. Gate, we’re losing our breath here. Well, here is the bitter end.” |
1 [Rick, or Richard, was the original name for Matt, or Matthew]
2 [This is the canonical first name of Empress Rigm , which is used heavily in this version]
3 [Juane is the original version of Junia]
4 [Hyperball was the original name for kaxahhe]
2 [This is the canonical first name of Empress Rigm , which is used heavily in this version]
3 [Juane is the original version of Junia]
4 [Hyperball was the original name for kaxahhe]
The Dangerous Deathbot
This was supposed to be one of the biggest fights of my book, and it even housed a scene that was initially going to be featured on the cover, so it's only right that we delve into it.
Verbatim Manuscript
© 2014 Virgil Thornton II |
Official Release
© 2018 Virgil Thornton II |
We all look to see that the robot has moved from its previous position. It’s finished charging.
We all split up and attack it different ways. Nima and Juane go in for a melee attack with their weapons. They are batted away with an arm of steel. Since Chirus’s nunchucks* can slash almost anything, he takes a strike at it. They bounce off the robot with a spark. The tazer looking arm shoots out lightning and it zaps Chirus with it. It throws him against the wall. Samantha jumps up for a shield bash attempt, but gets shocked as well. Even though were being beaten like punching bags, I really think my little brother Andrew would like this. He’s into Sci-Fi. “First, you need a distraction. Then, use the Peace Per to destroy it.” Dakota* coaches. Virrel grabs the Peace Per from the still coughing Juane and hides behind an experiment table, charging it for a fatal blast. Rick tries throwing his ice machete at the machine, but the silver hammer ignites in flames and smashes/melts his weapon. He goes to spawn another but is blasted back by wind, coming from the two super fans on the RS-227. Bacoj, Zamencie, and I come at it from three angles with fireballs*. Its hose arm swells up like a balloon. Then, the robot spins around, blasting the three of us with water. We smack against the wall. “Just like Rainbow Death*.” I comment. The RS-227 turns to Virrel. He pins him down with blasting wind and raises his saw arm to slice Virrel. “Well, at least if I die, I’ll go out like a man.” He says. “Virrel,” says Crega*, “you’re already dead. You’re an angel*. You died a long time ago.” “Oh,” replies Virrel. “Well then, COME AT ME BRO!” Virrel yells at the robot. It raises its saw arm to dice. Everyone closes his or her eyes. Out of nowhere, we hear someone yell, “Bin Yin, Let it spin!” I open my eyes to see this extremely legit spinning top crash through the window at lightning speed and hit the RS-227 right in the saw shoulder, dismantling it. The confused robot looks at the window. “YOUR DEAD NOW!” yells Virrel at the robot. I look at the Peace Per. It’s pulsating with blue energy. A I thick, blue ray of destruction slices the robot in half. The open halves shoot walls of fire towards the ceiling, then loudly blow up. The debris surprisingly miss all of us. |
“So boom as soon as I open the door it’s like this black refrigerator with a glowing red eye in the middle and four giant, spindly arms, right? And the arms start to unfold from around it and one of the arms is a flamethrower and it shoots fire at me and I’m like ‘Ok so this is how we gonna do’ and so then I whip out Sizzle–”
“Sizzle?” Ilone asks, choking back a bit of laughter. “First of all I don’t like being interrupted toots. Anyways yeah, that’s the name of my weapon, Sizzle Stick.” “So… Sizzle Stick is in that black rectangle of yours?” Bacoj concludes. “Surprise surprise,” Kabel says flatly, “Okay, so I whip it out right and then–” “What’s it look like?” Matt asks, partially to pick with Kabel. Everyone laughs as Kabel sighs in frustration, “You guys gonna mess around and get punched in the face. Ok… so Sizzle Stick is my sword, and I can press a button to make it heat up and burn stuff. It's made outta… um, what’s that metal called… it’s ah…” Kabel closes his eyes and starts snapping, “Come on baby think now… it’s ah…” “Temeotire?” Bacoj offers. “Dat’s it dat’s the one.” Kabel blurts out. “Isn’t that what boilers and stuff are made from?” Ilone asks. “Yeah, it’s common sense,” Kabel says, “Because the metal stores the heat from around it and then lets it go when you spark it– something like that. You all went to science class you know how this stuff works.” Matt and I trade a confused glance, and then Kabel continues. “So I got Sizzle out right and the robot is steady unwinding, still spraying fire at me to keep me away. So then it’s finally ready and one of its arms is a circle saw and I’m like ‘Alrighty then time to play’. So it swings the saw and I dodge, and it swings again and I do a flip over the arm but I time it so that–” “Hello?” Ilone asks. Kabel shoots her and annoyed glare, but it turns out she’s just talking to Chirus on her shuza, so the traveler doesn’t say anything. “Um, so that I land on the arm itself. And then I drove that sucker into the ground and cut it off. That old robot didn’t like that, because he started to shoot lightning at me from his third arm. And then the fourth arm nicked me with some water so that the lightning would have an effect on me. “But the idiot left his circle saw in the middle of the floor, so I dodged a few lightning bolts and then threw the blade at ‘em. Boom, lightning arm came clean off. So it only has the flamethrower and the water now. “So he’s sitting there trying to figure out what to hit me with, and the thing musta thought I was just going to stand still and wait for it. ‘Course I didn’t. I ran up to the sucker, dodged a bit of fire, and then ripped that thing out the ground and chucked it against the wall. Boom, killed it in one hit.” |
1 [Chirus was an honor vira wielder in this version, with the switchblade tool of lightsaber nunchucks]
2 [Dr. Niejir Keeko's original name was Dr. Dakota Tracey]
3 [Empress Rigm has the Power of Gears in this version, allowing her the ability to launch yellow fireballs]
4 [Rainbow Death is the original name of the Grave Digger they encountered at Hillsgatha Lake]
5 [Crega, introduced at Safemill, was a character removed from the main cast and mentioned in a cameo under the name "Grace"]
6 [Virrel was also an angel in the original version, though he and Juane were far less powerful than Junia]
2 [Dr. Niejir Keeko's original name was Dr. Dakota Tracey]
3 [Empress Rigm has the Power of Gears in this version, allowing her the ability to launch yellow fireballs]
4 [Rainbow Death is the original name of the Grave Digger they encountered at Hillsgatha Lake]
5 [Crega, introduced at Safemill, was a character removed from the main cast and mentioned in a cameo under the name "Grace"]
6 [Virrel was also an angel in the original version, though he and Juane were far less powerful than Junia]
An Annoying Inconvenience
I will never forget my 6/7th grade English teacher, Mrs. Norville, who was determined to kill my writing dreams; naturally, my dislike for her spilled into a spiteful little tribute in every edition of the book... with varying degrees of tact.
Verbatim Manuscript
© 2014 Virgil Thornton II |
Official Release
© 2018 Virgil Thornton II |
“Hello.” Says the lady at the booth, “My name is Tehhera and I am the owner of Tesla Range’s Cayeuxi Peaks. What do you want for a trade of equal or greater value?”
Tehhera has a very unenthusiastic voice. Oh, forgot to tell you. Cayeuxi Peaks was bought by Tesla Range Incorporated. They are the heart of the clickboarding business. Tesla Range plans to buy all the mountain ranges in Arret. And that’s a lot of ranges. Anyway, back to the story. Juane looks at the map and says, “Do you have a… Valleport Rod*?” Tehhera looks at us like we had just asked if we could kidnap her. “You don’t need that! What else do you want?” “Why’re you dodging the questions, ma’am?” Chirus says in a movie detective voice. She growls at him. He backs away a little. “You can’t have that. Wha-” Samantha cuts her off. “Why not?” “Because I said so. What else do you-” Cirovati interrupts. “Give us the rod!” “Never!” yells Tehhera. “Yes you will!” screams Crega. “No, I shan’t!” Tehhera screams back. “Shan’t? Look lady, just fork over the-” Kabel can’t finish before Tehhera yells, “I won’t give it to you!” “Listen, you little f-” Zamencie is cut off by Bacoj's coaxing, thankfully. “We’ve got Bravery Emeralds*.” Bacoj says. And I'm gland too. I really didn't want to see Zamencie cuss. Tehhera turns around and crawls through a heap of stuff. She then emerges with a golden vase thing that has shiny green and blue stripes on it and a dim, gray panel at the bottom. “Here ya go! One Valleport Rod ready to go! Only for a Bravery Emerald!” she says in an extremely cheery tone. Kabel beams his emerald at her. “Ow! What the hell was that for?” Tehhera exclaims. “It’s for being a b-” “Whoa! You might not get in heaven with that language!” Virrel interrupts. “I don’t blame him.” Says Yoseph, “Why wouldn’t you give it to us? You been usin’ that rod to -” I tackle him. Richard picks up the Valleport Rod. “Thank you for the rod, Ms. Tehhera.” “That’s Miss Tehhera to you!” she mumbles. “But, that’s what I-” “Don’t correct me!” Samantha drags Richard away, kicking, with her hand over his mouth. We all walk away, pissed, with Dakota trying to calm us. Terint* just laughs. |
“Welcome to Evillorn Rental Company, where our prices are so low they should be illegal.” The clerk recites unenthusiastically.
I would love to revel in the irony of her statement under different circumstances. “My name is Teherah, and I’ll be taking care of you today. Do you have a pre-order or would you perhaps be interested in our Savings of the Month deals?” “No thank you,” I say, persuasion in my voice, “Do you have any vans available for use? Preferably something rather swift that can seat around eight to ten?” Teherah gives me an irritated grimace and spits, “Good afternoon to you too, then. As for your question, we have vans and we have ‘swifter cars’, but those are obviously going to be sedan models. And you’ll have to actually pay for them, honey.” I’m taken aback by her rudeness as well as the fact that my persuasion ability was ineffective, but then I realize that this situation involves money and thus nullifies the ability. Kabel speaks up from behind me, “Look toots, enough with the attitude. Do you have somethin’ cheap or not?” Teherah recoils in surprise, and then a spiteful grin spreads over her face, “The registry is quite big. It’ll take me a while to look something up.” Instead of immediately engaging with her computer, she continues to sardonically stare at us, wasting more time. “Alright lady we seriously don’t have time for this.” Samantha chimes in, her voice shaking with shock and annoyance. “Oh I’m sorry, would you like to do my job for me?” Teherah replies, and Samantha is so stunned that she looks at Yoseph for confirmation. He shakes his head and speaks, “We apologize for everything ma’am. We were wondering if maybe we could just rent something like that van right there.” He points to one of the vehicles in the lobby, which was apparently a large green van. I must’ve been so caught up in our impending time limit that I didn’t notice. “No, that’s a show car sir,” the clerk says in a demeaning tone, “Do you want a van like that? It will be…” She actually does some genuine, helpful computing, and then says, “Thirty nummis per day… but then you’ll need insurance.” “How much is insurance?” I ask, trying to keep my patience. Instead of answering me, however, Teherah silently stares at me with an offended look on her face. Suddenly, an alarm blares to life within the lobby, and everything is washed in red. The clerk shouts, and I follow her gaze to see that Bacoj has somehow gotten all of the doors to the van open, including the trunk. The van seems to be running as well, however, it is still not hovering yet. Kabel quickly opens his briefcase, angrily throws a fistful of currency into Teherah’s face, and then dashes with the rest of us to board the van. I see my teammates piling into the trunk and the side nearest to us, so I round the side and find a seat open on the second row. I leap in, not giving a second thought to the screaming clerk or her alarms, and I slam the door behind me. I notice Ilone in the driver’s seat and Samantha sitting next to her, Ieri Tropo at the ready. Everyone begins to shout for Ilone to drive, and to my complete surprise, Ilone shifts the car into drive without retracting the wheels from the ground. She slams on the accelerator, and the vehicle lurches forward, slipping for a moment on the smooth lobby floor. A second later, we burst through the front glass wall with a showering crash and roughly bounce down onto the street. |
1 [The Valleport Rod, a key to a secret tunnel, was removed from the list of key items]
2 [Bravery Emeralds were replaced with Unkillable Rings in the final version]
3 [Terint, introduced in Semparus, was a character removed from the main cast and will be featured in Book 3 under a different name]
2 [Bravery Emeralds were replaced with Unkillable Rings in the final version]
3 [Terint, introduced in Semparus, was a character removed from the main cast and will be featured in Book 3 under a different name]
Well, there you have it. If you think that was painful, you should see the original Hayride of Doom... perhaps I should read that entire two-chapter disaster on my YouTube channel one of these days. Either way, I hope you enjoyed, and if you are leery about writing a book, know that it all starts somewhere.